Conrad Julius Ecklie (conrad_ecklie) wrote,
Conrad Julius Ecklie
conrad_ecklie

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Theatrical Muse: Week 288: Question 288

Name: Conrad Ecklie

Fandom:
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Word Count: 1030


Is redemption truly possible?


Atonement for guilt, worthy payback for the commitment of sin, that is what is being talked about here. Redemption is one of the major cornerstones of many religions, including my own. I am supposedly meant to atone for my sins, for my ill thoughts, the bad things I do, have done, and may ever do for the rest of my life. According to some sects of humanity, women are beyond redemption by being female, and every person alive has committed the ultimate sin of causing another person pain, simply by having been born. Disabled people are beyond redemption because they are disabled, because they simply are different and can’t help it. As for homosexual people, those who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, even those who are transgender, well, that’s a big issue, as is so much of everything else. According to the hardcore fanatics of religion and politics, messing with gender stereotypes and roles is beyond redemption as well. People who injure themselves, people who commit suicide are all beyond redemption, all beyond being forgiven by the very people who should be forgiving them! I have to say, I am a man who solves crimes for a living, I look into the deepest darkest corners of the human condition, as it is, and there are far more terrible things that a person can do than just being who they are, without harming anyone else.

I am fortunate in that my aunt was a progressive person. Oh yes, she was stuck in her ways, intending I take classes in manners and table setting, but for her generation she was progressive in the set of social things she accepted. I was thus, raised a child accepting of people and their differences. I have no issue with homosexuality, nor disability, and working in the public service role I have long since inhabited, it is not in my nature to be a discriminating being. All people should be treated equal, and I try my best to do so.

In my life, I have caused injury, and I may have occasionally played a role in the death of a criminal, when the law gave me no other option, but I am not a law breaker. I follow the rule book to the absolute, I help whoever needs my service, and I give my best service to the people who I am helping, always. I see people on the worst day of their life, when they have either been killed, injured, or are otherwise suffering the pain that death can bring, through the discovery of mourning and loss. Working back from this, it is then my job to see that the evidence that is collected is processed by the proper methods in due course, all to help catch the criminal who has committed any particular crime or set of criminal acts.

Perhaps there are a few people beyond redemption. The criminals without guilt, maybe, the murderers who feel no pain for what they have done, the repeat rapists, the paedophiles, the continuous abusers of animals, women, children, other defenceless people or creatures. All the guilty people who intend to harm, to spill blood or spout absolute abuse at their victims, whose only aim is to provide a grisly service of continued suffering via their very own hands. Those are the people who are beyond redemption, and who remain beyond redemption until they feel that spark of guilt, until they feel remorse for the pain they have caused, true remorse and sorrow. Yes, I believe that some criminals can be rehabilitated, but for the ones who are lost to normal human notions and thoughts, to those who are like this and have already committed their crimes, it is different. For criminals who do not feel guilt or remorse, they place themselves beyond the forgiving eyes and minds of the people they harm and who they have affected as a result of their devious acts.

Although I am sure the murderers of my mother and father may soon die, as may my aunt, the man who violated and murdered my wife will probably live for a long time yet if jail doesn’t get him, if cancer doesn’t spread through his body. I have visited him, and still do on occasion, and never in all these years that have passed by in the duration, has he ever shown remorse, pity, pain, a desire for forgiveness, a reprieve from his actions. That man who took away my Michelle, my wife, my lover, my everything, he is beyond remorse from me, beyond redemption, and if the world was a different place, he would have been sentenced to death a long, long time ago. For him, there is no redemption, because he is evil thoughts housed in an evil body, with hands to purport his truly, truly evil acts of terror, injustice, pain and horror. As for me? Am I beyond redemption? Sometimes I think I am beyond forgiveness for having left my wife behind, but then the next day I take a triple homicide, or I go and meet the family of a rape victim and I am reminded that I am a force of immense good in this world. I may have been able to prevent the death of my wife, but I did not, something which I did out of no cruel intentions, merely fate. I am not beyond redemption, no, I am not. I atone for my sins, even if I go and get angry and shout the next day at someone or something else. But will I ever forgive myself even if I know I am a human, a man, open to redemption? No, no I will not, because Michelle is gone, my father and mother are gone, and once my aunt dies, I will have no one left. People who have redemption, I am sure, do not continually punish themselves, do not continually suffer nightmares for decades on end. Yes, I may be a man open to redemption, but as far as inner forgiveness goes, I will never forgive myself for not, being there, for not having made, the situations that irrevocably changed my life, gone differently.
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