Conrad Julius Ecklie (conrad_ecklie) wrote,
Conrad Julius Ecklie

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Theatrical Muse: Week 281: Question 281

Name: Conrad Ecklie

CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Word Count: 975

In the event of a zombie apocalypse, what would you do?

By all the laws of science and reality zombies do not exist. It is impossible to bring the dead back alive when they are truly dead and buried, gone and never to be anymore, anyway, anyhow, anywhere. There is literally no point and no relevant sense in trying to create discussion about such a topic that has no use and no real purpose in real life. A zombie apocalypse is not going to happen anytime soon, and neither will it happen for many years to come, nor ever, in fact, so really, there is no option for discourse on the topic. I don’t deal in the imaginary. In the process of my job, I deal with the real, with real evidence and real dead people who will forevermore stay really dead, and I draw my real conclusions by using real hypotheses based on really possible situations. I may imagine how a bullet entered the skull of a victim, I may recreate the circumstances and events leading up to how it happened, but these situation recreations are made out of the evidence I have collected, that other people have collected. I do not create evidence that wasn’t there in the first place, as that would be a gross use of my powers to misconduct the course of justice. No, if I have to deal with the imagined, it is only brought about by the absolute adherence to the real, and to the reality of what was most likely to have happened under the particular circumstances, given such particular conditions.

Looking at the zombies taken purely out of science fiction and horror genres, there is no explanation based in real life, in absolute science without contrary imaginative speculation, for the possibility of such a thing existing. Once a person is dead, they can not be brought back to life again, and certainly not with walking capabilities and the potential to bring about destruction. Oh yes, medical professionals are sometimes lucky to jolt back a person to life after their heart has stopped and they have been without oxygen for several minutes, but even then there are the almost inherent risks of brain damage and the risk to the ability to function and think normally afterwards, which can be impaired. After hours of no movement, of no flow of blood and oxygen throughout the body, there is no chance that any life breathed into a dead body would bring about in it any high level of functioning. This is ignoring the fact, of course, that it is impossible in the first place.

This notion of a zombie is furthermore increasingly unlikely if thought is given to the stereotypical movie scenario of mad scientists digging up dead bodies to create a legion of un-dead servants. Oh yes, for creative purposes they destined for the length of their existence to be absolutely willing and ignorant of pain or disagreement, but it is likely, is it not, that they would be full of preservatives from funeral homes? That rules out any normal functioning, it rules out any ability to work or move like a normal human being, even more so than just zapping recently dead cadavers back into some sort of semi living existence. No, the idea of zombies is foolish, and always will be. Contrary to the imagined arguments of people who find satisfaction in make believe, or contentment in the creation of pretend scientific arguments, the bases of which are entirely made of whim and fancy, the idea of the living walking dead is not the best one to waste time and effort on.

In my life, in my job, I sometimes deal with the imaginary as a way of recreating the circumstances and events of a crime. I know for a fact that most bullets are shot out of guns, excusing the odd circumstance where they may fire of randomly under the endurance of some other external force. Knowing that most bullets come out of guns, it can be safely known that if I find a victim who has a bullet wound, that such a victim was shot by a gun. Taking all the collective knowledge of ballistics, I myself, or a ballistics specialist would look at all the relevant signs and evidence of a bullet having entered the victim’s body, and conclude what gun it may have been. If we find the bullet, we can be even surer of our conclusions and early assumptions.

Furthermore, if we conclude that the victim was shot with a bullet from a gun, if I can find out what kind of bullet or gun it may have been, then this helps. If I can ascertain at what angle and distance this bullet was shot from, it helps me move towards seeing how it might it have entered the body, and all these tiny bits of information contribute towards recreating the scene itself, if such a thing must be done. Therefore, while I may use by imagination in some way, I am not creating the impossible, I am instead working off the evidence of what has happened, and using such evidence to bring about a conclusion that is as close as possible to the reality of what actually took place. While I may not be able to say who breathed when or who moved their finger joints in the moments before death, I can, as a scientist rely on the facts and evidence to help me hold certain conclusions. Using such information, I can give an accurate portrayal and description of what events and what other actions contributed towards the death of a victim. That is a hell of a lot more worthy, the use of actual science to hold actual thoughts, than the use of imaginary scientific possibilities to bring about the highly unreal and impossible situation of a zombie apocalypse.

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