Conrad Julius Ecklie (conrad_ecklie) wrote,
Conrad Julius Ecklie
conrad_ecklie

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Theatrical Muse: Week 218: Question 218

Name: Conrad Ecklie

Fandom:
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Word Count: 1041


Write about a lie your parents told you.


“We’ll be together always.” is a lie many parents tell their children, whether it is to assure them of life itself, or simply to ward of their night time fears. In truth, where spirituality and memories are taken into concern, it is not very much of a lie at all, just a barely explained truth. For those who are very young, however, and who are being told such words by their parents, none of this is taken into consideration. To the small children, to those who are scared and afraid of some bigger world, some larger monstrosity of life, it comes across as what it is. That, no matter what, the parent and the said child will be together always. That is why parents can not tell such things to their children, and just leave them, because the child does not see it like they might. To the child, it means that they will stay by their side, physically, until it is ok to leave, until the fear abates and goes away.

At a young age, I was already a very perceptive child, this thought, of course, coming from what my aunt has told me, and from what I, myself, remember from my own childhood. I was a child who liked attention, but I was not selfish about it, simply needing of what any person desires, the recognition of their own existence and place in the world, to be loved without consequence, without asking to receive such adoration. Yes, sometimes, I got afraid of things that have no purchase in an adult’s world, things like scary noises conjuring up imaginings of something horrible and alive, and out to snatch and grab. Yes, of course, on occasion I would, as a very young child, see little reason in not being afraid, but I matured quickly. Once my father had explained to be, had shown me that I was being afraid of something that didn’t exist, it didn’t bother me anymore.

The point is, however, that, when I got scared, or that trace of loneliness appeared on my face when being left at night, I was still told some of the same things that many children around the world are told, in some form or another. That the bond between the parents and the child, is an always lasting one that can not be broken, irrelevant of how irrational or real the fear being expressed is. When I didn’t want my mother or my father to leave me, if it was possible, then they would stay with me, and the sheer company alone, filled my heart with warmth, because I knew that they loved me that much, to remain with me, and assure me of their permanent place in the world. As I advanced in years, however brief, I lost that sense of want, quickly, rapidly, but I still loved them, I still, sometimes, just sometimes, needed to hear that they were mine, forever.

As I child, I was a perceptive person, and a quick learner. Even though I soon saw reason to being left alone at night, at not being reassured of the physical presence of people who continually existed in my life, I still could, if I desired, work out such words of comfort, like, “We’ll be together always.” This simple reassurance was a nice, pleasant thing in my life, the affirmation of the many things I had learned and come to know as real. The night before my parents died, my mother and father were busy wrapping presents, preparing for the day ahead, irrelevant of the fact that it was only my aunt who was planned to be coming over. When I went to bed, I asked my mother to stay with me for a while, and she did. When I was falling asleep, mere traces of excitement remaining inside my mind, she smiled, and kissed me, and told me those words that burn in my head still, decades later. “We’ll be together always.” is a phrase I have, personally, always believed to be real, in whatever form of meaning it comes across with.

However, it can never make up for murder, for the physical, living absence that murder and terror, pain and regret can cause. “We’ll be together always.” is not so much a lie that my parents told me, in fact, it is not a lie at all, just a mere sentence that life proved, in one definition of the string of words, to be untrue. Yes, when my parents died, I already knew, even before the event, that they would die and not be physically with me always. I just never expected, in the wildest of my dreams, that it would occur so soon in my life. I never expected that, unknowingly, my mother would be lying to me in one slight way. In my honest opinion, if “always” means forty years, fifty years, then so be it, but never, in any terms, should it mean eight years spent with parents so loving as mine. If I had taken the words of my parents as truth, then maybe, I would resent them, but I do not. I saw reason in their words of comfort, their simplistic ideals of a future that, in one meaning, would happen, and in another definition, would not occur.

My parents were never liars, because they loved me, irrelevant of what I did, or who I was. I just wish they had never died, that their assurances had not been cut short so violently. There is no helping their deaths, however, they can not be brought back to life, their pain can not be reversed, and neither can mine. So, I continue. It is all I can do. I do, hope, however, that I never have a child of my own to tell such innocent words to. I believed such things as a child myself, of course I did, and my parents do, still live on in my memories, but, really, I could myself, never say such a thing to my own child, and mean it. I have been through too much in my life, experienced things too tragic, to ever tell the sentence “We’ll be together always.” convincingly, or truthfully, at all.
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