Conrad Julius Ecklie (conrad_ecklie) wrote,
Conrad Julius Ecklie
conrad_ecklie

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Theatrical Muse: Week 187: Question 187

Name: Conrad Ecklie

Fandom:
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Word Count: 954


Which is the more exquisite sensation: revenge, relief, or vindication?


There are many people on this Earth, that, when faced with such a question, would give you some poppycock answer in the form of a riddle and a story. Some crap explanation of their inability to answer with straight words, like a wise old man choosing vindication because it was he who stole the bread. It was not the young boy, and the relief of the wise old man at getting away with it, would also be his revenge, as the boy would be improperly imprisoned by some higher, totalitarian authority. I’m using this line of horse feed, to illustrate my point. It is really, rather pointless answering like that, because answers to questions should be honest, should be forward, and clear, and not convoluted. That story, of course, was given by Grissom as he tried to convince someone, of something that he himself was sure of. He was wrong of course, because it was the pool boy who had murdered the wife, and not the depressed husband. I respect Grissom, but sometimes, his hypotheses are incorrect.

As for my answer, I will start by saying it is vindication. Although not as full of glitter as the word exquisite expects it to be, vindication serves more of a whole purpose in my life than relief or revenge does. While, by the variations of its definition, vindication can also mean a form of revenge, one with the intent to avenge, at that, that is not what it means primarily for me. The definition of vindication that I most often run into, during the course of my life, is vindication in the sense of clearing or freeing someone from accusation or suspicion. I am a public servant, it is my job to examine the facts and evidence relevant to a case, and to determine who is at fault, whether they have murdered or injured, by intention or by accident. If I prove someone who has been accused of a crime, innocent, it does not matter whether this accusation is full blown, or whether they are just under suspicion for a crime, this person will have been vindicated by me. I do not need to be relieved when I solve, or do not solve a case, and I do not need to feel revenge when I do any of these two things. The vindication of someone, or the lack thereof of being proven innocent, is what I do desire, in a professional way. Finding the facts and the evidence to back up a successful case, is what I need to do in my job, and it is a role I take seriously, and one that I do, correctly.

What the blithering idiots telling stories about old wise men stealing bread, may not know, is that I have seen my fair amount of tragedy, pain, and death. Aside from the murders and other killings I come across in my role as a CSI, I have seen my own amount of personal misgivings, and unfortunate happenings. I have long ago lost the need for exquisite relief, as the feeling never lasts for long, or for any extended period of time, at that. While I may have once, for the briefest and barest of moments, wanted revenge against one person or another, it too, is an emotion that I see very little point in. Why want something unfortunate to happen to someone, by your own hands or by the hands of someone else? Especially when thoughts of revenge are often just hateful imaginations of what could be done to someone who has enacted a wrong upon someone else. I would, and I do, much prefer spending my time not on thoughts of revenge, but on things that can actually be achieved, such as paying the bills, watering the garden, solving a murder where the evidence is coming together, and is numerous in quantity.

Relief never lasts, and revenge is pointless. The vindication of the innocent, is, for me, the only of those three options that is worth having in any form. I do not care about the wise man and his bread, I care about whether the wise man admits he was wrong, and whether he writes down, and signs, a statement. I care about the witnesses involved in a crime, and yes, of course I have to be concerned about the methods behind the crime, I have to pay attention to why the crime happened in the first place. I do my job and I look like I care, even if, some of the time, I may not care, all that much, about the people begging me for vindication and release. I vindicate, who I believe it is correct to free from accusation or suspicion, and most often, I end up helping to jail those who are not vindicated, who are not cleared of a wrongdoing. Then, the evidence backs my course of thoughts up, and I continue on with my job, and my life. I chose vindication because it describes the many aspects of my job. The freeing, the clearing of someone of accusation or suspicion, is part of my job. As I value my job, very highly, then I place the same value upon vindication in relation to my job, as I do in my job itself. As for life outside my job, and even life inside it, in all these instances, I barely, rarely, and mostly, never, need thoughts of relief or revenge. I find such thoughts unnecessary, and since I rarely vindicate anyone in my life outside work, then the vindication of the innocent while I am working, is the most important out of all these three emotions, in any type of context, at all.
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