Conrad Julius Ecklie (conrad_ecklie) wrote,
Conrad Julius Ecklie
conrad_ecklie

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Theatrical Muse: Week 175: Question 175

Name: Conrad Ecklie

Fandom:
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Word Count: 1036


Who's your best friend, and why?


I don’t have a best friend. I have never had a best friend, not even when I was young. I prefer being alone, without imbeciles getting in my way, interrupting my train of thought, crowding in when I try to live my life, as my own. I have always been, and continue to be, a very independent person. At a young age, I lost a large and certain amount of my childhood innocence, because, in losing my parents, I realised that, with the exception of my aunt, there would be no one else to protect me and no one else to shelter me from harm. There would be, no one else, but my aunt, to shape my world so that it seemed to be more perfect than it really was. While I accepted her protection, and her shelter, she never tried to shape the world too much for me, and, knowing the reality of it, I probably wouldn’t have accepted it if she did. I know, for certain, that death can change a person, and, in my case, it was such an apparent change when I myself had not been emotionally damaged previously. While I did not change, terribly, emotionally or mentally, and my way of acting remained somewhat the same, still, something in me had changed. I was, suddenly, without the protection of my parents, more aware of life, of the world around me. I saw people’s inabilities, their frailties, and I noticed them more than I had before. Not always, mind you, but it was still a talent that was there, that had presented itself for my use, at my discretion.

I have simply never liked the idea of having a best friend very much. What is the point, after all, of liking someone platonically, that much, when the odds are that, sometime in the future, you’ll bicker, or fight, or lose track of each other because you suddenly lead different lives, like different places and people. Aside from that, I just lack the desire to waste time with people, doing pointless things like having coffee or going to a movie, when I could be working, and achieving things with more of a point to them, like getting the housework done, and the bills paid on time. I am a busy man after all, with an important career that requires my utmost attention when I am working, and sometimes, even my attention when I am not on the clock. I can not afford to be distracted by dinner dates and unnecessary phone calls. I can not afford distraction from my job, or my personal life, and neither do I want any form of distraction from these two things, anyway.

Michelle was my first real friend. But I lost her. She made me feel more alive, than I had in over a decade. She made me smile, she made me happy, and then, she died, and just went away, and I was left behind like before, with no real place to turn to, because there was no real place that would accommodate how I felt. Except my aunt, of course. Michelle was my best friend, but my aunt, has always been my best friend since the death of my parents brought me under her care. She was the woman who saved me from harm, from the orphanage, from corrupted foster parents and twisted children who weren’t my own siblings. While we are family first, I do count her as a friend, because, even if she was family, she didn’t have to do all that she has done for me. I wasn’t her child, after all. I was just one of the small group of relations of hers, that was my parents and myself. My aunt never tried to sugar coat what has happened to me during my life. She has never put an untruthful spin on anything that has happened to me. When I lost my wife, she told me the same thing she said to me when I lost my parents. That it wasn’t my fault. That there was nothing I could have done to prevent it, or to stop it. I appreciate her highly, for that, and for all that she has done for me. She is truly a wonderful woman.

Truthfully, with the giving of my aunt, and of my wife, and even my parents, in some way, I have never seen much point in having friends, let alone best friends. I prefer using my time to the best of my ability, and in my view, people like that just get in the way. Again, with the exception of my aunt, I honestly just lack the desire to be like that, to go out and waste my time with people who clearly don’t want to be doing anything productive for long stretches of time. Sure, I have my own fun, I watch TV, I go to movies, I listen to music, and I read books, but, I do all these things, in my own time, not in the detriment of someone else’s precious minutes. I get my work done, then I do the things that I like or enjoy, because I know then, that I am not wasting my time, and that I have, in fact, worked hard enough, safely enough and properly enough, to deserve free time. I will not waste it unnecessarily on other people, on supposed friends, because they will probably lead to more time wasted than I would ever like, and because, eventually, they will move on. I do not need people who waste my time, and I do not need people who will depart from me the moment something more interesting comes along. I don’t need friends, aside from my aunt, because I am fine as I am, and I truly, see no point in having them and wasting my own time, when I could be doing some more productive and beneficial for myself. I am perfectly fine without friends, without best friends, aside from my aunt, and that is a thing, a way of thinking, that has never changed, and never will change, for as long as I live, as long as I am, physically, alive.
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