August 22nd, 2006

Theatrical Muse: Week 138: Question 138

Name: Conrad Ecklie

Fandom:
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Word Count: 955


Spirit.


Spirit. Spirit, spirit, spirit. Spirit is a difficult thing for me. You are, after all, talking to a man of Greek Orthodox religion, someone who is an orphan and a widower. You dare to ask me if I believe in spirit. You dare ask me my faith my beliefs, by truest values, hopes and dreams. How dare you, how dare you do such a thing, because, in all honestly, it’s none of your business how I regard spirit, or even whether I believe in it or not.

There are four main forms of spirit I have seen in my lifetime. Spirit of the mind, spirit of the body, spirit in life, and spirit in death. Spirit of the mind is choosing to keep on living even when you are hurt, and feel downtrodden. It is that unparalleled happiness after depression, that you feel, when you find someone, or something, that you truly, truly love, or, that makes you, truly, truly happy. Spirit of the mind is the thing, the very, specific thing, that lets us live, that keeps us alive. It is, essentially, what has let human kind live on for so long on this planet, because it provides them with unparalleled determination and good will.

Spirit of the body, is, in a way, similar to spirit of the mind. It is, as I have discovered, part of what keeps people fighting back against death, against murder. It’s part of why I sometimes find skin cells under a victim’s fingernails, because, just because, their body let them keep fighting for, just, that little bit longer. Spirit of the body is what keeps us alive, physically, and keeps our minds going. It is what serial murderers seek, and their victims have already grasped in their death. It is what keeps us going, it is what keeps us enduring for better days ahead of the old, torrid ones.

Spirit in life, is the thing, the most essential thing, that binds spirit of the mind, and spirit of the body, together. It twists the two together, and covers them with itself, and it is, truly, it is, what makes us human. I have spent an entire lifetime, with death and destruction. I have seen more people die, seemingly in front of my eyes, than anybody should ever have to, as I work diligently to reconstruct a scene, or an event, that pertains to my case. It is my life, the blood that courses through my veins, my arteries and my capillaries, that keeps me alive. It is spirit that gives me life, and keeps me going. In my deepest, and most darkest, days, it is spirit, mind and body, that bring my head up above water again, and, for that, for that life, for that hope, happiness and vivid experience, I am thankful, so, very, thankful.

Spirit in death, is not something I have, personally, experiences, myself. I have seen it around me, and, similar to spirit of the mind, it is what keeps a dying man, woman or animal, going. It is what makes them hang on for just that little longer, so, perhaps, they can provide themselves with one of those last, very last, glimmers of hope. It may, even, let them live. The main difference between spirit in death, and spirit of the mind, is that, in more ways than spirit of the mind ever will, spirit in death, will, on the occasions that a person ends of dying, let them die. I know, in murder, the cause of death, is, usually, the injury the murderer has committed against their victim, but deeper than that, spirit in death, is what lets a person, or, an animal, for that matter, finally let go of the world they live on, and the life that they have lead. It is, what keeps things going in the world, and what will, ultimately, bring about humanity’s ultimate demise, providing that, humanity, one day, eventually, dies out.

Spirit of the body, spirit of the mind, spirit in life, spirit in death, they are all essential parts of our lives, essential parts of why we survive, why we endure, and, ultimately, why we live, and continue to live. I have experiences the first three, and witnessed the last, all, many, many times, during my lifetime. Most likely, if nothing major happens, which I expect will be precisely what happens, I will experience all four, many, many more times, during the rest of my life. It is a simple fact, that I will, because, although I may not want to, I have to put myself out there, and keep on working, I have to stand up stall, and straight, and keep on living, keep on going, keep on doing all the things that I usually, normally, do. One day, I will, most certainly, die, and, if I am lucky, I will die of natural causes. However, I know, truly, very truly, in the deepest recesses of my heart, in deepest of thoughts, in my entire body, in my entire being, that it is not my time to go just yet. I may want to die, sometimes, but, truly, most, very, truly, it is not my time yet, and neither do I really want to leave, just yet. I will keep on living for now, and that is what I will do, to the very best of my ability. Then, when it is, really and truly, my time to go, I will go. I will do so, and go on to find that specific happiness that has chosen to so elude me after the past few decades. Only then, and, just, only then, will my journey, my fight, my life, my being, be over.
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